If a man isn't called to holiness, he is called to nothing. (Spurgeon)

Oh death, where is your sting?

2011-10-06T13:26:00.000-07:00

In the last couple of weeks, I have come face to face with death. It started with the tragic, sudden death of my uncle Jay, which certainly hit close to home, and even now is still difficult to believe. Now, famous Apple CEO Steve Jobs has died, which has been a hot topic of discussion. Halloween is also fast approaching, so retail stores are stocking their shelves with Chinese trinkets that point, directly and indirectly, to death.

I have thought a lot about death lately, and have concluded that it is a wicked (perhaps the most wicked) perversion of God’s creative order. God is Himself life. Death, by definition, is the antithesis to life, and the logical progression of a creation separated from the Author of life. Romans 5:12 says that death enters through sin. Sin is the oxygen that fuels the fire of death. To deal with sin is to deal directly with death itself.

I know someone who has become obsessed with self-preservation. Because of this, she orders her entire life around extending it. She is rigidly disciplined about what she eats, what activities she enjoys, when she sleeps, what the air quality is around her, and the list goes on and on. She holistically has ordered her life around trying to avoid the inevitable. Her situation is not unique, either. Billions of dollars is spent on life extension and preservation, and it is all aimed at preserving life with sin. Everyone agrees that life is good, and death is bad, but many fail to make connection between our dependence on the author of life, and how sin separates us from Him, which naturally results in death.

Below is the second half of my uncle’s eulogy. I attempted to bring this issue to the forefront of the minds of the individuals who were there, and show them that their only hope is to trust and treasure the death of the source of life Himself, and see His power over death in His resurrection. My only regret (though I’m not sure how I would incorporate this concisely to mainly unbelievers) is that I did not clearly explain spiritual death, of which physical death is only a precursor. Perhaps there will be more opportunities in the future. As a result of all of this, the gospel has never been sweeter to me. Take a moment now to thank God for sacrificing His own Son so we could be free from sin and death

Today, we’re sad that he’s gone. We want to celebrate his life, but no one here can miss the obvious: death is evil, and it is wrong. Everyone recognizes the fact that death is an intrusion, it’s invasive. Even though it is a certainty for all of us, we like to pretend that it doesn’t exist. I want to honor my uncle, not just by celebrating his life, but by explaining why the reality of death should not intimidate or frighten any of us. We don’t need to be afraid of it. We don’t need to ignore it!

The truth is, God created everything… and he created it good (Gen 1:31). He created us, men and women, without death. He is good to us, and gives us many good things: life, family, love, food, shelter. We owe our existence to Him. He designed this world without death, but we failed. He said to Adam, “do not eat this fruit, or you will die.” Adam did not listen, and neither do we. We impose upon ourselves death by our sin. We have all sinned against God, and death, as horrible and tragic as it is, is the result.

This is what the Bible says: “therefore, just as through one man (Adam), sin entered the world, and death through sin, and so… death spread to all men, to you, to me, to your neighbor, cousin, brother, aunt, uncle… and now, to Jay… He said this death spread to all people because all sinned. We don’t have to wonder why. We know. Of course, Physical death is only a precursor to the real tragedy, which is spiritual death, and complete separation from God.

What we need is our sin problem to be dealt with. And here’s the good news: it was! The reason Jesus Christ came, and lived the life He lived, was so He could take upon Himself the punishment for our sins, namely death. He paid the ultimate price for our freedom by taking upon Himself what we deserve because of our rebellion, and if you would turn from your sins, and turn towards Him, He will save you, and physical death will be something you no longer have to fear. Funerals truly become celebrations because we know that it is not the end. Your funeral will truly be a celebration not just because you have lived a good life, but because your funeral is only the beginning of your life.

Jesus said “I am the resurrection and the life, whoever believes in me will live, even if he dies. And everyone who lives and believes in Me will live even if he dies (John 11:25-26a). Christ died for our sins, and he was buried, and he was raised on the third day. Jesus Christ has been raised from the dead, the first fruits of those, like my uncle Jay, who are dead. For since by a man came death, by a man also came the resurrection of the dead. For as in Adam all die, so also in Christ all will be made alive (I Cor 15:3b-4; 20-22).”

If you want to honor Jay’s death, then strike the fear of death from your hearts, in this life and the next, by turning from your sin, and trusting and believing the only one with the power to conquer sin and death, Jesus Christ.

Effectual Conviction?

2011-07-08T00:41:00.000-07:00

Does the conviction of the Holy Spirit always lead to salvation?

One common issue that is raised in light John 16:8-11 is whether or not the Spirit’s conviction is effectual, that is, if the Spirit convicts someone, it will always result in his or her eventual repentance and faith in Christ. For this to be true, The Spirit would always have to convict someone of all three aspects, or none at all. It would mean that an individual would never be able to have a sense of their own sinfulness unless they are eventually saved. There are unbelievers in the world that seem to have a sense of their own sin, and a need for righteousness outside of their own that seek it in things other than Christ. One would be forced to answer the question of where their sense of their own sinfulness has come from if not from the Spirit.

Biblically, we are taught that the gospel is veiled to those who are perishing so they will not see the glory of Christ (2 Cor 4:3,4). There is not anything in Scripture that definitively says unbelievers will never be convicted, just that they have rejected the only True remedy for their conviction, Jesus Christ. Also, what about those who respond to the gospel message, but eventually reject it (Heb 6:4-8; Matt 13:3-9)? Are we to believe they were never convicted of sin, of righteousness, and of judgment in the first place because they have fallen away? It seems reasonable to conclude that the ministry is more evangelistic than effectual, and the conviction for some may not be a once for all, on-going conviction, but a conviction that is able to be snuffed out by the hardening of the heart through the deceitfulness of sin (Heb 3:12-19).

This is not to say the Holy Spirit lacks the power to bring helpless sinners to see nothing but the cross of Christ for salvation, but there is where the mystery lies. To say the conviction of the Spirit is effectual is to suggest that there can be no conviction of sin outside of true believers before their salvation. To say it is not effectual is to suggest that the Spirit would enlighten someone to the reality of their sin (or righteousness, or judgment), but not enough for them to see Christ as their only hope for salvation in a way that leads to true repentance and faith in Him. To ask "Why would the Spirit do that?" is similar to asking "Why doesn't God bring everyone to repentance and faith in Him?" Our task is to be sensitive to the work of the Spirit, and try to bring them to a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ through His Word. What we can be sure of is we have His help! When we share our faith, the Spirit is working in us and through His Word.

The Work of the Spirit in the World.

2011-07-06T11:56:00.000-07:00

For a paper I did recently on an aspect of the doctrine of the Holy Spirit, I choose to exposit John 16:8-11, namely, what Christ taught about the Spirit’s ministry to the unbelieving world. I was encouraged to see how thoroughly Christo-centric and evangelistic it is. I summarized the 8 page exposition in about a page, and I’m posting it here with the hope that you will be encouraged to see the grace and mercy of our Lord, which is still active through the ministry of His Spirit in the world.

The Spirit’s ministry in this passage is threefold, the first of which is the conviction of sin, which works to enlighten individuals of their spiritual condition. Individuals would not be convicted of their sin in a judicial sense if they believed in Jesus, so the Spirit convicts unbelievers of the reality of their condition apart from belief in Christ. He also, through his disciples and His Word, convicts the world of righteousness. Through this ministry, unbelievers are confronted with the futility of their own attempts at righteousness because of the unattainable and shining righteousness of Jesus Christ. His ascension to the right hand of the Father proves His righteousness to be the only acceptable righteousness. Hopefully, under this conviction, the individual will sense their need for that righteousness, and appeal to Christ, who freely gives it to those who trust Him.

The Spirit also convicts the world of judgment. The source behind the world’s system of judgment has been judged (16:11), whereas Jesus Christ is the judge (John 5:22). One may have a sense of their own sin and see their need for righteousness, but will be unable to solve the problem by changing the standards of judgment in their favor, because their ruler has been judged. Even if their own judgment declares them innocent on whatever creative grounds they may concoct (usually an elaborate system of self-righteousness, i.e. Mormons, JW’s, Roman Catholics, cultural fundamentalists, Pharisees, ect.), it will be appealed to a higher court, where Christ Himself will judge. The hope is, under this conviction, the unbeliever will appeal to the judge for mercy and ask for an alien righteousness, which, again, will be freely given to those who believe in Him. Only Christ’s sacrificial death and resurrection makes this offer possible.

Tith a what?

2011-06-19T21:28:00.001-07:00

We have heard it before: The ultimate definition of love is "the laying down of one's life for another." When Christians hear that, they immediately think of the death of Jesus, who selflessly "laid aside His life" (died) for the benefit of His beloved. The Apostle John reiterates this in I John 3:16, and although the death of His Lord may be one thing that was on His mind, could he have been alluding to something else? If John wanted to say true love is demonstrated by the sacrificial death of someone on behalf of another, why didn't he say that? The word John uses is a Greek word, τιθημι (tith-ay-me), which simply means "to lay aside." The "laying aside" of one's life may include dying, but that is only one aspect.

What characterized our Lord was not just His sacrificial death on our behalf, but His sacrificial life. Jesus said "The Son of Man came not to be served, but to serve, and give His life as a ransom for many." He demonstrated the pattern in John 13 by washing His disciples feet shortly before His death. He set the pattern of what supreme love is. For the Savior, supreme love meant taking upon Himself the full measure of God's wrath on our behalf, but loving one another may not require a sacrificial death, but it does require a sacrificial life.

If we are to love as Jesus commands us, we must "lay aside" our lives for one another. This does not mean, as some may believe, that we can go on living our lives to please ourselves, but be willing, when the moment is right, to sacrifice our physical lives in order to allow another person to live, it means moment by moment, we sacrifice our own preferences, resources, time, energy, will, and desires for the benefit of one another. I confess to you I just read that sentence, and I'm convicted. If you are convicted, also, because you recognize your own insufficiency to love in this way, than be sure to thank your God, who loves us in this way, and is so patient with us, and may we all, by the power of His Spirit, learn to love each other that way.

The Only Wise God

2011-04-08T16:10:00.000-07:00

Well, I haven't quite figured out how to blog my sermons yet, but I do want it to be on here. I am just going to copy my notes for now, and as I blog more, hopefully I will get it more organized. Oh, and about going to Disneyland, that is a euphemism for deciding what I will leave in and leave out in my message.

SUMMARY OF ROMANS:

The need for God’s righteousness (1:18-3:20)

The provision of God’s righteousness (3:21-5:21)

The demonstration of God’s righteousness (sanctification) (6:1-8:39)

The vindication of God’s righteousness (restoration of Israel) (9:1-11:36)

The behavior of God’s righteousness (12:1-15:13)

Conclusion (15:14-16:27)

Here is the point: you need a righteousness that is not your own. You cannot earn it, you can’t buy it, you won’t find it anywhere other than in Jesus Christ. “I am the way, the truth, and the life! No one comes to the Father but by me!” If you did not come away from this study understanding your need for perfect righteousness and God’s provision of that righteousness in His Son, than I am afraid we have done you a great disservice.

Remember, in this doxology, Paul is worshipping! He is not giving a theological treatise.

I. The Power

a. Who is able? God or man. How you answer determines how you trust.

b. He establishes

c. The power is not the message, it is the God! We do not put out faith in a book, rather, we put it in the God who wrote it. If I wrote you a letter saying you need to serve jury duty, it would mean nothing. If the state of California did, however, that would make a difference. Same words, but different authority. We believe it is important because He said it was important.

d. What is the message?

Jesus Christ, and Him crucified. It is the message Paul articulates throughout this whole book. Through His death and resurrection, Jesus Christ provides for us the perfect righteousness we need to stand justified by God. Paul says in Corinthians he was determined to know nothing among them except Jesus Christ and Him crucified. This was “Paul’s Gospel.” (read Romans 5:6-11) Paul’s gospel was not unique to Paul.

II. The Wonder: Jesus was not plan B.

a. The gospel kept secret (from long ages past)

b. The gospel revealed according to plan

God took several thousand years to weave together this gospel throughout redemptive history! And it is “by the Scriptures of the prophets” in other words, it was prophesied by them! And then, as if God was in heaven the whole time, with His finger up, just waiting, watching Abraham have Isaac, seeing the birth of a nation, watching them fall into apostasy, all the while giving clues about this coming redeemer with carefully placed prophecies throughout the whole testament, He is just waiting, and then, “at the proper time, He says “now.” This gospel happened according to the commandment of God! That is what Paul is saying, and that is why he worships! Listen to what Peter says in his first sermon: “This man, delivered over by the predetermined plan and foreknowledge of God you nailed to a cross by the hands of godless men and put Him to death.” They were blind. They didn’t see it. Turn to Peter 1:10, and lets read what He says about this mystery.

This was IT. This was what they had waited for, all controlled by His command, and Jesus, through His apostles makes the gospel known to the world. This mystery, so important to Paul, is proclaimed to the world.

III. The Response: Obedience of faith.

This is new covenant language. The Jews always had a problem remaining faithful. The big difference is not just gentile inclusion, but a new heart indwelt with the Spirit of God that enables us to love God and seek after Him. (Jer 31:31,33). This should also be the natural response of everyone who hears and believes the gospel.

Turn your eyes upon Jesus...

2010-11-24T08:08:00.001-08:00

I am noticing that as I mature in my Christian life, the gap between God and I seems to be getting bigger. The truth is, I'm just getting a better picture of how big that gap (chasm?) actually is. Remarkably, the larger that gap appears to be, the bigger Jesus becomes. I may never know how large that gap is this side of glory. I'll pay lip service to its immensity, but will I truly feel the weight of it? I believe if I did, Christ, and what He has done, would be far more precious to me than He is.

Jeremiah 9:23; Isaiah 66:2

2010-11-22T07:28:00.000-08:00

Jeremiah 9:23 is a powerful verse. Its clarity enables us to understand it even without its context. In spite of this, the context is certainly worth our consideration.

Jeremiah was sent by God on a mission that was doomed to fail. Like most true prophets of God that brought bad news, he was ignored… at best. You would expect this weighty exhortation to crescendo some exalted praise of the glory of our Lord, but it lands in the middle of a tragic prophecy of the events that will soon take place. The preceding verse should be enough to clue you in: “The corpses of men will fall like dung on the open field…”

So why this verse? Does the context tell us anything? If you are an Israelite, one of the most terrifying passages in the Torah for you will be Deuteronomy 28:15-58, where God describes the consequences of disobedience. Jeremiah was the lucky guy God choose to warn them about this nightmare becoming a reality.

As people who exist in an age of grace, we do not need to worry about mothers eating their children as a judgment for disobedience (though it could be argued our fate will eventually be worse). Jeremiah’s point is simple. There is something more tragic than all the calamities that would happen to Israel, something more horrifying, namely, the priorities of their hearts. I do not believe God could demonstrate through the worst disasters imaginable the tragedy of those who boast in something other than God, or treat His Word as something to be passed over in pursuit of our own wisdom, strength, or wealth.

All of us are looking for a niche. We want to be honored, respected, noticed, considered, for… fill in the blank. For some, it may be sports. For others, music, art or philosophy is something we seek to be noticed for. Some wish to be great thinkers. In ministry, it could be preaching and teaching, or the size of “our” church or ministry. It could be our family, house, cars, intelligence, capabilities, or any number of things we pursue, but the Word of God is something we are relatively uninterested in.

God does not deny our natural inclination to aspire towards something we can be proud of, instead He reminds us of what we should be proud of. That we understand and know Him. I know there is a movement that believes God can be understood and known through things other than His word, but this is idolatry; modern-day Baal worship. I know there are well-meaning Christians who pursue the Creator through His creation, art, science, music, philosophy, community, altruism, or merely contemplation. There can be great value in these things when learned about and appreciated subsequently to His Word, and in their proper context.

Friends, if you truly claim to seek God, and desire to know Him, consider these words of His: “But to this one I will look: to Him who is contrite of Spirit, and who trembles at My Word.” If you have a casual interest in His Word, do not expect any peace from God. Do not expect Him to reveal Himself to you. To let your Bible collect dust while you seek Him is to try and find Him through Baals, Asheroths, and golden calves.

Update

2010-11-03T14:30:00.000-07:00

So many things are running through my mind, it is hard for me to organize them. It seems like new and wonderful things happen everyday, and I'm always challenged. Here is a summary in no particular order of how things have gone so far...

1. Marie and I have been nominated to be deacons at Grace Church
2. I have a new beautiful daughter named Aviyah
3. I am both Greek and Hebrew Exegesis which has been challenging.
4. I signed up for Rick Holland's preaching class
5. My heart is still at Beacon, and after a great conversation with my pastor, it makes me long for there even more.
6. I have had opportunities to serve the Lord through music, which has been a blessing
7. Jesus Christ is becoming more precious to me as I learn to serve Him.
8. Marie and I are still learning how to be married and raise two kids, but God has been so very gracious
9. We are so thankful to be here, and marvel at God's goodness towards us.
10. I've had about six cups of coffee, and will probably crash soon.

Well, it's brief, but it's an update. May God bless you all.

well well well...

2010-08-12T17:07:00.000-07:00

A lot has happened since I started this little faith journey. I learned Biblical Hebrew and Greek, coached a junior high girls soccer team, started playing guitar for 4 and 5 year olds, learned all sorts of things about church history, started Grant Horner's bible reading plan and have actually been keeping up with it, made the wonderful switch from PC to Mac, made a ton of new friends, got a new job as an apartment complex manager, got to preach to k-9th graders (in three separate sessions) twice, will be (God willing) the proud father of a little girl in just a little while, have separated completely from the military, is seriously reconsidering some of the "values" I have always just assumed should be important, and even debated for, as long as I can remember (mostly political), am learning to love my wife more, and lead my family, am more convinced now than I ever have been that Jesus Christ is the only hope for this world... now I just need to learn to articulate that.

now I'm off to change my son's stinky diaper. It's ok, though, in 1 week we begin 3 days of intense, gladiator potty training.

The Times They Are a-Changing...

2010-08-10T09:57:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure how long this will last, but I want to start writing again. I've been apprehensive for a couple of reasons, not the least of which being my own immaturity. I've been very dogmatic about several things in the past, and since coming out here, I've begun to see my own immaturity. I'm learning to choose the hills I die on, because there is nothing worse than feeling it is necessary to to combat your own presupposition of what someone else's position may be. I've done that many times, blinded by my own pride, and paid dearly for it. Writing has always been difficult for me not because I don't love it, I do, but because it's hard to communicate clearly sometimes.

To give everyone a brief update, I want to start by telling everyone what I am thankful for:

First and foremost, I am thankful for Jesus Christ. Jesus is so much more than I could ever understand this side of heaven. What I do understand gives me more comfort than anything else. He is my Lord, my Savior, and my friend. Everything I cannot do to justify myself before God He has done for me, and because of that, I am so very thankful. He has given me His Spirit to comfort me, enlighten His Word to me, and guide me through life, and I depend on that to keep myself from going crazy. Each day, I learn more and more to lean on His guidance and submit to what He has said in His Word. That may be difficult for some people to understand, and as someone outside of Christianity looking in, it may even seem a little cooky. I don't blame you, especially what has been done "in the name of Jesus Christ" in the past.

I am also thankful for the Word of God. Since coming out here, I have been able to study the Bible more deeply. In that process, I have been exposed to my own hypocrisy, and received fresh insight into why Jesus Christ is so precious.

I am also very thankful for TMS and GCC. I have met so many different people from all sorts of walks of life that are learning to love God. I am being challenged to love my family, manage my time, and love God unlike I have ever been before. I'm also discovering how little I know in the grand scheme of things, and how much more I have to learn about everything.

I am thankful for life, health, provision, shelter, care, etc. Since coming out here, I have had every need met in some amazing and generous ways. People do not hesitate to give. We lived with a family for free for six months, got all of our furniture donated to us for free, had dozens of meals cooked for us, and have seen God's continuous provision the entire time we've been out here.

I am also thankful for the friends God has given me out here. I have met a lot of people that encourage me, and I'm so thankful for all of them, and look forward to many years of friendship.

For the sake of Brevity, I'll end there, and say more another day.

Reflections part 1

2009-12-12T12:55:00.000-08:00

For the sake of brevity, I'll probably use several posts to reflect on my first semester. I know it's been a while since I posted anything, but I'm doing very well. My family is out here now, so posting sort of went down the tubes.

My first semester is done, so I'm officially 12.5% done with seminary (based on the graduation requirements) and it feels good. Surprisingly, the least difficult challenge I faced was seminary itself. I had an overwhelming amount of enthusiasm that carried me through the entire semester. There were times I didn't feel like studying, but they were brief, and they minimally impacted my grade. With that said, I care very little about my grades, so I won't talk much about them. I have noticed there are two different ways to go about studying. I could either study what I know I need to know academically, or I could carefully absorb the wealth of information available on a personal level, with the hope of it impacting my life and ministry. I've chosen the latter. When I go through the curriculum, I understand that it was carefully chosen by the professors to not just be studied for a grade, but to be seen as something important for us to understand for future ministry.

The challenge of the semester is behind me, and now I face new challenges. The winterim, for example, is taught by Bruce Ware, and I have about 1000 pages to read by January 9th. I'm looking forward to many other classes, and I'm thankful God has given me such a strong interest in all of classes offered here.

With that said, there are other challenges the Lord has brought my way I'll discuss in future posts that seem to cripple me, and remind me of my own depravity, weakness, and insufficiency on an hourly basis. I'm thankful for those, because God uses them to ensure any success I experience anywhere else will not make me prideful. The other perspective I hang on to for dear life is a desire to please my Lord and King. Other people may or may not be impressed with me for any reason, but at the end of the day, I always ask myself, was God pleased with me today? The Lord is not a hard task-master, and I'm thankful my salvation is blood-bought. The perspective I fight for vehemently is the same as my Lord who said, "I only come to do the will of My Father." I can;t tell you how many times my prayer has been the same: "more Grace, Lord, please... more Grace."

House for...anything

2009-10-18T19:33:00.000-07:00

A quick update for everyone that reads this. Marie is coming out here the 29th of October, so I get to be a dad and a husband again. Financially we are doing ok, but the house situation is still uncertain. We have it listed to rent for less than what we pay for month, but we're definitely willing to sell it. With what we have into it, we couldn't afford to sell it for less than 199,900, which is still less than we paid for it when we bought it. This amount would enable us to be done with it, and move forward to what God has for us here in California.

God has been so wonderful through all of this, both directly through His presence and peace, and also through His people like my dad, and of course the Downers. God is amazing, and I am so thankful for everything He has done for me.

I John 3:2

2009-10-17T15:41:00.000-07:00

"...we shall see Him as He is."

We have all done it, especially in this society, and I'm sure it's not difficult to picture the typical country pastor who cleverly says in response to compliments, "I wish my wife thought of me the same as you do, but she can't because she has to live with me!" In a society swarming with... how do I say this gently... an overemphasized appreciation for individuals, it's not too long before we realize the ideas we have in our minds about even the saintliest of God's servants paints a far too rosy picture for them. I'm sure they, like ourselves, want those things to be true about them, but it's not the reality. I'm reminded of one godly man who was urged by his supporters to respond to harsh slander and criticism. Everyone was expecting him to be appalled by what was said, and send out a well reasoned defense of his character, which was above reproach, but after reading the comments, he said to his supporters, "gentlemen, I am all of those things and more."

Now there is a man with a correct view of himself. Whether or not the things said about him were true wasn't important. He understood that the worst thing someone could say about him still fell short of who he really was apart from Christ. He wasn't interested in defending his character because why defend a man he has been trying to kill since he was introduced to Christ?

Jesus Christ has the opposite problem. Any exultation or words of praise you could offer Christ still fall short of what He deserves. Jesus Christ presents for us the perfect juxtaposition to humanity at it's best. You may think you appreciate Christ now, but just wait until you see what He is REALLY like! When you think of the depth and richness of that statement, "We shall see Him as He is." It makes you wonder why you would want to have anything to do with yourself any longer. I would challenge all of you to take a good, hard look at who you are "in the inner-most parts" and then think about who Christ is. When you understand those two things, you're ready to worship.

Jake and Marie, what were you thinking?

2009-10-08T22:33:00.000-07:00

I contemplated writing a long explanation about why I had out here because I know a lot of people have been saying negative things to Marie about how foolish our decision was. I have made a lot of foolish decisions, and so has Marie... this was not one of them. I haven't regretted for a second this move we made, especially in light of some of the sacrifices others have made to get out here.

I was going to explain to you, in detail, how the Army works, and how the timing of any other move would have put undue stress on my family, (and trust me, Marie would concur that the stress she is under now is not as bad as it would have been if we would have chosen that route)

In case you're curious, here is a brief explanation:

The only reason I would have stayed in my job is to alleviate stress on my family, so that move would have been counter-productive. The deception I was expected to engage in or approve of is too complicated to try and explain, but suffice it to say I got out of that business at the right time for more than just that reason. Aside from the moral dilemma, The plan that was developed in June and July by my team was set to begin October 1st. In this plan, the brunt of the work for the year was set to take place in the first quarter, (Oct-Dec) During that quarter, we were expected to work 60-80 hours a week, and treat it as a deployment away from our families. If I would have stayed, I would have no choice but to work those hours thru December, and if I wasn't successful, it would have continued. Some teams are forced to sleep in their offices if they don't meet their quotas.

That was set to begin October 1st, and my last official day of Active Duty was September 30th.
I carefully analyzed my work environment before making this decision, and prayerfully considered my options. I discussed it with Marie, and she was adamantly opposed to staying in recruiting, and so was I. I knew I could tough it out if I needed to, but I didn't want to drag my family through that again. I enjoyed my time as a recruiter, but it was very hard on Marie, and if you ask her which situation she would prefer, she wouldn't hesitate to tell you this one. I'm also sure if you asked Marie, she would tell you one of things that made it so difficult was the fact that she was sacrificing her husband for the army, which may be a noble cause for some, but nobody asked her to do that, and I shouldn't expect her to.

Of course, this begs the ultimate question... Then what will you do? I had no skills I could use that would give me a comparable income, I had no degree, and a persistent calling to the ministry. What would we do for money? Should I try to finish school first? I could have used the GI Bill for 18 months, and squeaked by with a 4 yr degree, and then headed out to seminary, but this would have left me very little to use for seminary. Part of the reason we choose to come out here right away is because it was the best use of the resources we had available. We wanted to use as much of the government money as we could to get through the most important part of my training to be a pastor, and then, if God is willing, finish up my degree after seminary if I am so inclined. This has been a difficult but rewarding process. Over the last three months, I've seen God's gracious provision in countless ways, and I am so very thankful.

So in a nutshell, I hope that helps any naysayers at least understand our thought process. Much more could be said, but please understand this... This was not a decision that was made lightly, and I made the best decision for my family. In spite of the recent difficulties of getting the house rented, both Marie and I are absolutely thrilled to move on to the next chapter of our lives. God has proven Himself to be faithful, and I even though I miss Marie and Jude, and wish things would have gone more according to plan, we are still thankful for this opportunity, and wouldn't change a thing... except for maybe hiring someone else to do our bathroom. :)

I have to say thank you, to God, first and foremost, but also to the people He used to help us through this process, regardless of how they felt about it.

THANK YOU... Mom and Dad, Jay, Steve and Mary, Joe, Ian, Larry, MICHELLE!, Laura, Seth, SCOTT, Jeff and Jill, Mike and Rebecka, Uncle Jeff!!!, Dave, Kevin and Kelsey, Jesse H, and so many many others I'm sure I didn't think of. I'm sure after i post this I'll say OH YEAH! I forget them!

So I've been thinking...

2009-09-26T17:43:00.000-07:00

I'm very thankful for mass media. It has it's advantages and disadvantages, but in the context I'm thinking of, I'm thankful for it. I have grown tremendously as a Christian thanks to the preaching available on the radio, and on websites like desiringgod.org and gty.org. I used to drive to and from work and hear R.C. Sproul, John Piper, John Macarthur, and Allistair Begg everyday. It was men like Steve Lawson that inspired me to preach, and reading sermons by Charles Spurgeon, J.C. Ryle, D. Martin Lloyd Jones, and John Owen helped bring my mind even closer to God, and gave me a true appreciation for His Word.

I am in seminary to learn how to preach and teach God's Word. TMS is known for training expositors, and by God's grace, that's what I'll be, but it's not what I want to be known for. The simple fact is this: If people want to hear great preaching, they have a plethora of resources available to them, from the comfort of thier own homes, at anytime they wish. I haven't checked the facts, but I am convinced you could listen to four hours of solid, excellent preaching a day, and still not exhaust the wealth of exposition that exists in digital media after several years, or even several decades. If you want to hear John Piper's series on justification at 3AM, your a mouse click away. Along with that, we have more resources in printed form that has been developed over the last 2000 years of church history. These books have been written by brilliant men on just about every subject conceivable, and while I would never suggest that we have been given enough time to plumb the depths of Scripture itself, nor do I want to discourage people from continuing that tradition, I will say this...

Before anything else, we need to be shepherds. We shepherd our family first, and then our flocks. We prepare people for the work of the ministry. It reminds me of when Satan took Jesus to a high mountain, and said, "All these things I will give you, if you fall down and worship me" If anyone deserved the world, it was Jesus, but the cost was too great. Jesus choose a life of humility. He chose to be a shepherd, a good shepherd, "who lays down His life for His sheep." It seems silly when in our weakness we desire the praise of other people. It's as if we forget that we have God Himself who walks with us. God equips us, enlightens us, enables us, and empowers us to do all things for His glory. And He does it so we can pass on His legacy, not ours.

How will I know?

2009-09-19T09:28:00.001-07:00

Picture the scene...

You're a Jewish priest, and you go to the temple to perform your normal priestly duties. You've been at it a while, so you're an old man. You're wife hasn't been able to have children, but you've made your peace with it, and you've walked blamelessly before God. You walk into the temple, just like any other day, and are chosen to burn the incense. You walk towards the table, and everything changes. Right there in front of you, just to the right of the incense table, is an angel. A real, eternal, heavenly creature. This isn't just a vision, you are looking at one of God's holy angels. The sheer majesty of this is enough to paralyze you with fear. The presence of this angel is so overwhelming, you can't even move. The angel tells you not to be afraid, but you say nothing. You just sit there, overwhelmed by it's majesty. The angel has some wonderful news for you. He tells you that your prayers have been heard, and that God will not only give you a son, but a son who will be great in the sight of the Lord, and cause many to turn back to God. The angel then tells you what any priest would give there favorite yamaka and shave their sideburns to hear, that your son will be the forerunner to the Messiah in the spirit and power of Elijah. He will make ready a people prepared for the Lord.

So what is your response? Thanksgiving? Praise? Do you run out of the temple filled with joy? Do you go home and tell your wife the good news? No. You doubt. You have an angel, a majestic being from heaven appear out of thin air to tell you something very specific, and the first thing you can muster out of your trembling lips is, "How will I know this for certain?" What else do you need? A bigger angel? More angels? Maybe Gabriel should of brought you a flow chart. You doubt something God has clearly shown you. You think, "impossible, I'm an old man!" so human reason takes over, and you limit God. Gabriel's answer wasn't intended to assure you, but to rebuke you. He says to you "I am Gabriel, who stands in the presence of God, and I have been sent to speak to you and bring you this good news. (perhaps you can pick up on a little frustration on Gabriel's part?) And behold, you shall be silent and unable to speak until the day when these things take place, because you did not believe my words, (and Gabriel throws this little jab in there, just to make sure you understands God's plan isn't contingent on you) which will be fulfilled in their proper time." Now you can't talk. Now do you believe him?

end scene...

How many times does Jesus say in Scripture, "you would not beleive me." It's sad, we have the testimony of the Law and the prophets, we have an angel appear to a righteous man, and then we have God Himself appear, who performs miracles and healings, and we still doubt. Of course, it's easy to say, "Well, if I had been Zacharias, I wouldn't of doubted." And to you I say, really? Are you sure you wouldn't of doubted? Let me guess, if Jesus had appeared to you, you would have been the first in line to affirm His deity, and would have made Peter look timid. It's easy to think that if we had been Adam, we wouldn't have eaten that apple. We would look at Eve and say 'What are you doing! Are you crazy!!!" It's so easy to read the narratives and assume we wouldn't have doubted like Thomas, deceived ourselves like Peter, or even betrayed Christ like Judas. The good news is we can know right now what our attitudes would have been like in sense, because we have something today that is just as powerful, and in many ways more powerful than anything they had before. I would argue that what we have is a more powerful testimony than what Zacharias had, and is only trumped by the walking and talking Word of God Himself.

So what do you do with the Bible? What is your attitude towards it? Do you believe it even when it's difficult to understand? Or do you allegorize it to make it more pallatable. Are you committed to it? To you study it, and try to understand it? Do you believe what it says about sin, redemption, and Jesus Christ? I hope so, because thankfully for Zacharias, he only had to answer to Gabriel, but if we doubt God's Word, we have to answer to God. What we do with the revealed testimony of God will determine how we live our lives, and it is what we will be held accountable for when we are judged by Him after we leave these physical bodies. Don't be flippant about God's testimony. It is tried, and it is true.

The law of the LORD is perfect,
reviving the soul.
The statutes of the LORD are trustworthy,
making wise the simple.

The precepts of the LORD are right,
giving joy to the heart.
The commands of the LORD are radiant,
giving light to the eyes.

The fear of the LORD is pure,
enduring forever.
The ordinances of the LORD are sure
and altogether righteous.

They are more precious than gold,
than much pure gold;
they are sweeter than honey,
than honey from the comb.

By them is your servant warned;
in keeping them there is great reward.

Who can discern his errors?
Forgive my hidden faults.

Keep your servant also from willful sins;
may they not rule over me.
Then will I be blameless,
innocent of great transgression.

May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart
be pleasing in your sight,
O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer.

The Bliss...

2009-09-13T17:46:00.000-07:00

...the diligence of a man is his most precious possession. -Prov 12:27

So far, so good. I begin my fourth week tomorrow. I'm starting to miss my family, but being alone has it's benefits. I don't typically do very well when I'm alone, and I know if I were completely alone, I would be going crazy, but I'm not. I'm with the Downers. One of the nicest most wonderful families on earth. They have welcomed me as a part of their family, and I never feel alone with them here because I can just walk outside the door of my room, and someone is there.

While I'm feeling sentimental, let me tell you about my church. I belong to the most wonderful church I can imagine. That church is Beacon of Hope in St Paul. I don't want to sound extra-biblical hear, but if you live anywhere near St Paul, and you don't attend this church, I'm close to considering that a sin. The church is pastored by a dear friend and mentor Steve Lonetti. I could say a lot of things about how God has used Steve and Mary in the lives of Marie and I, but I want to focus more on Beacon. Let me just say this about Steve and Mary, they have been faithful.

I'm learning a little something out here about the amazing, permeating effects of God's Word being understood clearly, and diligently applied. The power is not in a preacher, or body, or church. The power is in God's infallible, inerrant, and Living Word. The early church fathers knew this, and so does Steve and the leadership. Why don't always know what God will do, or what He plans to do, but I believe something very powerful is going to happen in St Paul through Beacon of Hope, and when it does, I can promise you no one will take any credit for it, but will use it as a testimony of the power of God's Word proclaimed in a dark place.

I know this sounds strange, and this blog is getting longer than I would like it to be, but Beacon is my home, and it should be your home. If you're a Christian, you weren't meant to sit around, soak in good teaching, go home, feed the dog, and watch TV. You're meant to do something. Don't forget to read the next verse after Ephesians 2:8,9. The local church doesn't exist to serve you, but to serve Christ. The leadership of a church exists to equip the saints for the work of the ministry (Eph 4:12) That is what Beacon is about. Equipping you to minster, getting you in the fight, and holding you accountable. If you're not interested in living the life Christ has indeed redeemed you for, than stay home. You can always rest on God's unchangeing Grace, which requires nothing of you, but instead freely lavishes on you the benefits of fellowship with the Father. But I suspect that is not you. If you are restless in your spirit, but ignorant of why, go to Beacon. Let them help you find the life God has intended you to live.

With all that said, I know I belong there, but the Lord has me here. Some believe I came out here too early, and in a separate post, I may explain why this was the best decision for me and my family, but let me point out one thing. The Christian life is a high calling, and while I have always brimmed with enthusiasm, my follow through left much to be desired. Sometimes my will couldn't keep up with what my heart wanted to do. God needed to separate me for a season to temper me in some areas, and I already see that happening. Even my absence from Marie is providential, and God has allowed me to see why this time is important. At TMS, I'm not just learning the "what" but the "how and why," which is essential in ministry. I'm also gaining a deeper love and appreciation for my shepherds and my church. Please continue to pray for me, and for Beacon of Hope, and remember to thank God for everything.

What is a Pastor?

2009-09-06T22:35:00.000-07:00

Seminary is still wonderful. If I updated my blog more often, it would pretty much say all the time "seminary is great." There are some wonderful things I'm learning that I'd like to share with you. To summarize my elaborate post I won't publish because I don't want to be misunderstood, I have learned that training shepherds is primarily, if not completely, the Lord's work. That has been made clear to me on so many levels, and I'm grateful that I have learned my effectiveness in ministry will lean on how much I depend on the Spirit of God to work through me.

There has been a bit of a shift in my heart, and it's centered around the title question, "What is a pastor" Part of my reading assignment is to read a book called "The Minister as Shepherd" and it really challenged my thinking, and sobered my mind to the seriousness of this calling. It's so easy to get caught up in the romance of preaching, and a lot of guys like me can't wait to get out there and "preach the Word!" I am like that. But the question is, "To what end?" Without babbling on about the book, my processes of thinking, or analyzing contemporary thought, let me just say this:

I never had much interest in legacy. I really, more than anything else, just want to be faithful where ever God leads me. There are great men, who love God that are destined for greatness... my pride almost prevents me from typing this, but I don't think I'm one of them. If you were to ask me a week ago what kind of legacy I would prefer to leave if the Lord called me to be one of those men, I would naturally answer "A faithful preacher of the Word of God who was vigilant in defending the Truth." There is nothing wrong with that, and the Lord knows we need them, but if I'm going to be remembered for anything, I want to be remembered as a pastor who was committed deeply to the people God gave him, knew them well, and loved them unconditionally.

If I have a preaching ministry that blesses thousands, but I become so busy with it's upkeep that I lose time to meet with individual church families, counsel my members, and other shepherding duties, I will have failed as a pastor. I'm learning a little bit more about what it takes to be a pastor, and it is a long, unappreciated road of self-sacrifice. For those of you that know me well, self-sacrifice is not my strong suit. I am much more comfortable with counseling individuals from a comfortable distance of little to no involvement. Just a little advice now and then. If God has indeed called me to this, what a magnificent display of God's grace! If He can turn me of all people, into an individual who will sacrifice his own comforts and preferences for others, and who will patiently and individually lead these people to a richer understanding of God, and all without any congratulations and accolades! Impossible!

Jesus was a shepherd, Paul was a shepherd, and if I'm going to be a pastor, I have to love these people more than I love myself, even if they don't love me back. As one pastor put it, sheep bite... yikes.

How Seaworthy is my vessel?

2009-08-30T17:33:00.000-07:00

"I gravely question whether some of us will find our vessels, when far out to sea, to be quite so seaworthy as we think them." -Spurgeon

As part of my reading requirement for my ministries course, I am required to read 6 books over the course of the semester, none of which I will be tested on. I thought it would be a perfect opportunity to practice reading quickly, and gave myself 90 minutes to read 50 or so pages. This was a mistake, because this particular section of reading is from "Lectures To My Students" by Charles Spurgeon. The better part of wisdom (no, not my wife) told me to read this intently instead of treating it as an academic exercise, and as a result I have been richly blessed. I've paused several times to consider his admonishments and exhortations, and have tried to read slowly because I don't want to miss any of it.

The quote above is what has caused me to write this because I have often thought about how I will react when true trials come. What I can tell you is I'm not worried about it. In fact, I am as sure that I will be sustained through trials as I am of my salvation simply because the same God that has saved me will sustain me. (Philippians 1:6) The other thing I am assured of is that there will be trials, because the same Word that promises my salvation promises those as well.

Right now, I feel like I'm in some sort of incubator. I have a wonderful family, a wonderful wife that takes care of me, I am part of a church that has been such a blessing to me, and it's pastored by a dear friend who isn't shy about reproving me, but is also very patient with me. Here at TMS I am surrounded by men who pray for me dilligently, and, well, don't even get me started on the Downers, who have not only opened there home to me, but have consistently served me and fed me since I got here more than two weeks ago.

Still, all of these things stand in the shadow of God's sovereign work in my own heart, and in His provision through His people. I have enjoyed such wonderul fellowship with Him, and His Word has been such a joy and comfort to me. I was expecting this to be more difficult, but God has graciously allowed me to be productive, clean, and organized, which, if you know me, is a miracle in and of itself.

All this to say, I don't know when harder trials will come, and I'll also say there are difficult things I am dealing with now in spite of this. Things like the uncertainty of finances and where we will live, having Marie back home finishing up the house with my parents, and not being there to help. Trying to figure out how I will pay for a large mortgage while I'm out here, trying to anticipate logistical things I am neglecting or haven't thought about, (these are things you can be praying for) but in the midst of these things, I am confident that God will provide in every respect, and for that I am eternally grateful. Most of those things are physical, and I wouldn't trade any of them for the sweet fellowship with God I have been enjoying. I wouldn't trade that for any circumstance.

Whom have I heaven but You? And besides you, I desire nothing on earth

Oh Lord, please let this last...

From Pentecost to Wittenburg...

2009-08-25T14:44:00.000-07:00

Today was the orientation period for a new class called "Historical Theology," and I was more than intrigued. The class is taught by Nathan Busenitz, and is a survey of Christian history from Pentecost to the pre-Reformation period. What is so interesting to me is how so many people, including myself, claim to love history, love the church, but know little or absolutely nothing about what happened in the church for 1500 years. Oh, sure, I could spout on all day long about Luther, and Calvin, and Swingli. I could tell you about Edwards, and Whitfield, the Puritans, and Spurgeon, all the way up to today. My professor had a much better summary, but the point is this: Even if I had a thorough knowledge of Reformation history, I cannot claim to know much about church history. They are two very seperate things. While I confess that because of the printing press there is far more material available on the reformation period, it would be foolish of me to assume that a knowledge of the reformation can serve as any foundation for a thorough knowledge of church history. On the contrary, the Reformation was built on a thorough and accurate knowledge of church history. Men like Luther, Calvin, and Zwingli did not just come up with their ideas out of thin air, they developed what had been preserved by God through the age of the history of the church, and I don't think it's to bold to suggest that if we were to speak to these men, they would point us back to men they learned from, who I'm sure would point us back further to men they learned from, who I know would point us even further back to where they received their doctrine, and where does that lead us? Simple: To a seemingly insignificant Jewish carpenter who was in fact God in the flesh. His Words were the very essence and nature of Truth Itself, and what were they? (among other things...)

"Truly, truly, I say to you, he who hears My Word, and believes in Him who sent me has eternal life."

I believe there is great value in studying church history, and confess I am guilty of making the mistake of thinking that the church age started in Pentecost, and then jumped in a time machine for 1500 years, and popped out again in Germany. I look forward to studying my brothers and sisters before me who, like Luther and Calvin, understood the Words of Jesus that I shared with you above, and who, also like Luther and Calvin, have joined the cloud of witnesses that will praise His name forever.

Drinking water from a fire hydrant...

2009-08-21T06:15:00.000-07:00

You'll have to forgive me for not writing more, as you can imagine, my time is limited, and since I don't really read blogs, it's hard for me to write them. But I know that this is the best way to keep people posted on what is going on, so I'll try to be concise.

I arrived in Palmdale Friday night, and spent Saturday relaxing a bit, and finishing a few things up. Sunday I went to church, and Monday was the first day of the orientation. We were all so warmly received, and it was such a blessing to be a part of the seminary. As they spoke of the rigors of study, and how difficult it was going to be, I'm embarrassed to admit I discounted most of it. "Most of my time will be committed to studying," I thought, "I'm sure it will be tough, but I don't think I'll have too much trouble with it."

Then I read some syllabai. The level of acedemics here is far beyond anything I could have imagined. What's also true, is I'm not an acedemic. Perhaps I should have been in some respect, since I enjoy learning, but I'm not. I've taken 40 college credits, 16 of which were correspondence courses, and all were college freshman and sophmore level courses. All of my other credits were from my military training.

On top of that, I know very little about the Bible. We took a Bible Knowledge proficiency exam, and I didn't know 75% of the questions, and they were about significant Biblical events. I know enough to be dangerous, I suppose, and I certainly know the Gospel, but the gift of His Word that I claim to love so dearly... I'm lacking.

But wait, there's more! I'm a scatter brain. I'm unorganized, and can recall (or not recall) hours and hours of time I've spent with no recollection of where that time has gone. I sometimes spend more time developing ways of being organized than, well, being organzied.

Honestly, I could go on and on with reasons why this type of study is not for me, and why I should in every respect not be able to do it, but I know I will. God didn't bring out here to feel overwhelmed, to despair, to think I am somehow destined to fail. My prayer is that when I pass through the waters, and walk through the fire, I will remember not to give myself any credit.

God will give me success where He wants to give me success, and He will allow me to fail where He wants to, but it is for my good and His glory. I may be predisposed or gifted in certain areas, but "what is it that I have received did I not receive from the Lord?"

All this to say, I am far more concerned with what my attitude will be as the Lord brings me through this than I am about whether or not I'll finish. I will work hard, pray hard, do my best, love my wife, worship my God, and hope and pray my heart will not fail, and say with Jars of Clay, "If I stand, let me stand on the promise that You will pull me through, and if I fall, let me fall on the Grace that first brought me to You. "

Lovely Palmdale...

2009-08-14T23:22:00.000-07:00

I have arrived. That's about all that I have the energy to say, but I am here, and the Downers have wonderfully accommodated me. I am so thankful for them, and so is Marie. What wonderful examples they are. I video taped much of my journey, so if i have the time and energy, I may put something together, but we'll see. The journey was long, but I very much enjoyed it. I spent the last several hours listening to John Macarthur. One thing the Lord has pressed upon me is His fantastic provision in every area of my life, and that kindness makes me worship Him. I only pray I take advantage of any opportunities the Lord gives me to reciprocate the kindness He shows me to others.

Our anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow, but only empties today of its strength...

2009-08-13T11:37:00.000-07:00

God has graciously redeemed me from anxiety, and I am thankful. I have had bouts against it now and then, but for the most part, it has been smooth. Today, I'm in Denver, and it doesn't look like I'll be able to hang out with anyone from here. I'm debating just driving as far as I can, and sleeping the evening in the van, but we'll see. It would be nice to have a few hours of leisure between here and Palmdale. if you're wondering about the quote, it's from Spurgeon.

Here is the update:

I drove over 900 miles yesterday, and will drive another 1000 tomorrow. I very much enjoy driving by myself. I have a lot of time to think, pray, observe, and enjoy the relaxation. I finally received tuition reimbursement today, so I have enough to get a place to stay, or pay my mortgage, whichever is required. One prayer request I have, is that in this period of financial uncertainy, The Lord will make it clear to us where we should be tithing, and how much. There is an abundance of ministries we want to support, Lifegate, Capitol Ministries, Mike and Rebecca, Beacon of Hope... but it's hard to know what we should give when we don't know what we'll be making.

Financially, we're stable for now. I'm still not sure how I'm going to pay tuition for this semester, but I have some options, and the fact that I get it reimbursed at the end makes it easier for me to borrow it from someone. Right now, we have an abundance, and I praise Him for it, and I pray I can be faithful with it, because I'm inclined to believe the abundance is so I can bless someone else. I just don't know who yet. I will be praying about that.

The house is still filled with various items we have collected over the years. My parents are helping us get rid of a lot of it, as well as cleaning up our yard. Also, Kevin and Kelsey have agreed to let Marie live with them for a little while so the house can get cleared and fixed up. I am so thankful to God for them. Once the house gets cleared, we can fix it up and show it to renters. It really is a great house.

here is list of things I have been thankful for:

My parents have been incredible. The task has left Marie and I a bit overwhelmed, and almost paralyzed. My mom and dad have taken over, and have helped us get everything we need. I can't wait until Jude is old enough for me to show him the same love. My brother-in-law has sacrificed his entire summer, as well as a lot of his own resources to help us get the basement finished, and I am very grateful to him for that. Mike Watters came over and mowed my lawn on Monday evening, which was a tremendous help. There are moving to Uganda to minister to orphans that live in the slums. May God bless them, and I pray they receive all the support they need to do His Work. Doug and Cindi Downer have given us a place to stay for as long as we need, which is such a tremendous blessing. Laura Long has given me a room in her house to stay at for free, which is so very generous of her. God has safely brought me to Los Angeles as well. My Grandmother and Grandfather bought me lunch on Tuesday and gave me $100! I am so very thankful for them. Joe Lonetti and Ian Pitkanen came over and helped me pack on Tuesday and saw me off. What incredible young men they are. Especially Ian, who at 17 years old is so sharp, and loves the Lord sincerily. I am so thankful for him and his family that have been attending Beacon of Hope. My pastor, Steve Lonetti, took me out for Pizza Tuesday evening, and we had a wonderful time. I am looking forward to seeing him in March. There are so many other things to be thankful for, but for the sake of brevity, let me just say this: God has been blessing us tremendously, and it has been a privaledge watching Him work around me.

Well, even with the rest, my mind is still a bit scattered. Spiritually, I am doing well. I have been given grace to persue holiness over the next several weeks, which is difficult when I am alone. When I am not surrounded by people, it's harder for me to avoid pitfalls, but, if you read the title of this blog, I am resolved, by the power of the Spirit of God, to be holy as much as I am able. I'm convinced that unless my everyday walk is marked by a passionate pursuit of holiness, I will be useless to God. I don't just mean in what people see, either. I have always been able to put on an excellent front, but I would rather have people detest me falsley than praise me for only what they see. I would rather be holy and usless than acheive any measure of success knowing that my thoughts and attitudes have violated God. If they do, and believe me, they do, I repent, and thank God for the cross. I remind myself that Christ is the supreme example of a man who was despised, rejected, detested, and abandoned by even His closest friends, but still in every way holy. Because of that, I am free. :)

"Wretched man that I am! Who will set me free from the body of this death! Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!"

Romans 7:24,25b

On the Road Again...

2009-08-12T21:12:00.000-07:00

15 hours, 1 package of sourpatch kids, a subway sandwich, 2 wendy's cheeseburgers, 1 root beer, 1 Dr. Pepper, and 7 hours of Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy (not recommended) later, I've arrived in Denver, and thank the Lord. I can't take any more Douglas Adams. I think it's Johnny Mac's turn for the second leg of the trip. I need to finish up his series on Ephesians. Laura Lee Long, a friend of Marie and I's... I's? Wow, I'm so tired, I think I'm speaking lolcat. has graciously allowed me to stay in an extra room she has here, and I am so very thankful. The Lord is providing wonderfully. Now it's time for bed. Grace and peace to you all...

"The Sword and the Trowel..." (ok, so maybe just the trowel)

2009-08-04T20:39:00.000-07:00

So today my dad and I layed the tile floor in our basement. One more step closer to the basement being done. My dad suggested we get Marie and Jude out of our house before I move, and I think that's a good idea. We'll move them into my parent's basement until they are ready to move out to CA. We're still working on how we're going to move our stuff, and we're still not sure exactly what is going to happen withour pets, but God does. I hate to use that so much it almost sounds like an excuse to do nothing, but trust me... I am a busy busy guy. I'm just not panicing. The hard part is trying to remember all the details, and make sure that I have my priorities straight, so I can be sure to accomplish all I can in the time allotted. That has been my prayer.

If Marie is living somewhere else, the house will be empty, and it will be much easier for friends and family to comb through the entire place and get it ready for renters. We're making progress, but it would be nice to have a couple of months to play with, not 8 days, but who's counting? I'm just going to continue to look forward to someday getting settlted. It may or may not be this side of heaven, but I know it will be someday.

"So where you stayin'...?"

2009-08-02T18:42:00.000-07:00

I get asked this question frequently, and so I'll use it as an opportunity to talk about one of themost delightful families I've ever had the privilege of being friends with. They have have exemplified Christ to us in such powerful ways that it has compelled Marie and I, especially Marie, (because I always knew I wanted to go to TMS before I met the Downers) to make the move to Los Angeles to attend seminary. They are the most delightful, humble people you would ever meet. And they give and give never expecting anything in return. I'm embarrassed to admit we haven't given them anything in return, aside from our love and gratitude. Marie and I have tried to think of gifts we could give them, so we could show our appreciation, but we haven't been able to. They opened their home to us without hardly knowing us, let us stay in the master bedroom, bought most of our food for us, let us use their car whenever we needed it, and treated us like family while we were there. We never felt uncomfortable, and they never over-did anything. We felt like a part of their family. Doug even picked us up from the airport, and dropped us off very early in the morning. They did as much as possible for us, and we were absolutely blow away when they invited us back again for the 2009 Shepherd's Conference! That week was the same treatment. And to make an already amazing week even better, Doug gave me a beautiful calf-skin Bible that I have treasured ever since. It's so nice to get such a beautiful Bible like that as a gift, because every time I open it, I am reminded of the selflessness and generousity that was shown to me and my family in Palmdale, CA, and when I read the words inside, it becomes abundantly clear to me why they are the way they are...

They would be the first people to admit there isn't anything special about them. They are quite simply the result of changed lives and hearts surrendered to an all loving, sufficient, gracious, kind and merciful God that loved them enough to save them from a deceitful and wicked heart, and put His Spirit in them to give them new hearts and new desires.

To my knowledge there was never anything real special about Marie and I that made them feel compelled to serve us in that way. Their hospitality towards us was poured out of hearts that have been transformed by God. It was (and is) truly supernatural, and I'm not sure if they'll ever read this post, but if they do, thank you so much, and I pray God will bless you even more richly than He already has. God used the Downers to make Marie excited about living in Los Angeles. They have always been such a picture of Christ to us, reflecting His Glory. Of course they are human, and they're not perfect, but they are very good examples of what lives surrendered to God and His Word look like, and they are something Marie and I aspire to be.

But, to make an already long story short. That's who I am staying with until we can find a permanent place. I talked to Cindi a couple of days ago, and she assured me that if there is anything they can do to help, to just ask. I really love those guys. Everything is pretty up in the air right now. We don't have a permanent place to stay, our house still isn't finished and ready to show for potential renters, and I leave in 11 days.

I'm still not worried. God IS faithful. We never have to worry about anything as long as we turn our eyes upon Jesus. He has made it clear to myself and Marie where we are supposed to be, so we will move forward and trust Him. He is faithful, and what gives Him the ability to be so faithful in every circumstance regardless of ourselves is His divine infinite power and absolute sovereignty. Which is why I always say with the prophet Habbakuk,

"Though the fig tree does not bud, and there are no grapes on the vine, though the olive crops fail, and ther fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen, and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior, the sovereign LORD is my strength."

The pinhole of light...

2009-08-02T18:35:00.000-07:00

Today I dropped a lot of money on flooring at IKEA. The floor was a sweet deal, but still expensive. But, well, we need a floor in the basement. I also picked up some cheap trim for the walls that should work nicely with the white doors down there. We're going to put in a laminate floor, which I'm actually excited about. It's durable, and easy to clean. Scott, my brother in law got done cutting most of the tile in our bathroom and area before the bedroom and family room, and my dad is coming over hopefully on Tuesday to lay all of the tile down with me. After we get the tile down, we can paint the whole basement and then lay the flooring down. It looks like it's going to be finished just in time for me to leave. I will admit, as we've been doing these projects, it's been a lot of fun. It's been exhausting, but also very rewarding. If the Lord would allow it, I look forward to being a home-owner (who lives there) again in the future. I guess I started caring more about the house a little too late.

12 more days...

2009-08-01T06:03:00.001-07:00

A lot has happened, and a lot is going on, so we'll see how concise I can be. This is difficult for me. Let's see if I can remember everything.

My parents came over and helped us clear out a lot of the garage. The garage now looks somewhat clean, and it's wonderful. We're now working on getting all of the things out of the house and into the garage to be put in storage. There is a large load of trash in there right now that my dad is coming to get this morning. Once that is gone, it will look even cleaner.

The basement has been primed thanks to help from Seth and Laura, and Kevin and Kelsey are coming over today to hopefully help us paint it. Besides paint, trim, doors, flooring, and just about everything in the bathroom... the basement is done.

As far as getting out of the military is concerned, I ran into a few snags. I went to turn in my equipment, and found out I'm missing about $900 worth of gear. I've been hitting ebay up to get what I can, and think I may be able to get most of it for about $300. The most expensive thing I'm missing is my sleeping bag, which costs about $260. I'm hoping I can get one online for about $130. The other things are odds and ends that I either lost, or it got stolen.

This is bad news, especially considering our very tight financial situation, but God is faithful. I looked at our finances yesterday, and discovered that based on the amount of money we have, the amount I know we are for sure getting, and the projected expenses we will have, we have just enough to survive the for the first semester at TMS. I'm not sure if God will only allow us to have this now to trust Him for the next semester, or if He'll give us more for the future, but I am confident that He will survive.

One more note, someone asked me if not being able to rent out the house would keep me from going to seminary, and I said I'm not too worried about it because we could survive a couple of months without renting, and even if we couldn't find someone, we could rent it for a few hundred dollars less than our payment... but that doesn't really answer the question. The truth is, this house will not stop us from completing seminary. We will try to keep it, but if we can't, it's not the end of the world. It's just a house, and though we love it, and we are very thankful for it, we know it's still just house. I'm not sure if the Lord will allow us to keep it, but either way, we are resolved to complete seminary at TMS. Besides, there are other places to live in St. Paul. (hint hint, we are still adamant about moving back!)

So there is our update. It's been an interesting transition shifting from trusting our own resources and abilities to trusting God. The only thing I have observed is that although it seemed at times we were trusting ourselves, it was always God that was providing for us. It may not have been as obvious, but it was still God's provision.

On a spritual note, I haven't had much time to process everything quite yet. I wish all of this trusting God and watching Him work miracles to help us get everything done has led to spiritual bliss, but it hasn't always been the case. What has struck me, though has been the amazing consistency of Christ. Christ's faithfulness has not been contingent on anything. Whether I'm up or down, Christ is consistent. Clearly, Christ is leading me. He is Lord, and I am so thankful for that. As I learn to lean on Him for physical needs, He is teaching me to leanon Him for spiritual needs as well.

Lord, remember me when you get your kingdom...

2009-07-26T19:30:00.000-07:00

How different are we than the thief on the cross? The only reason I pose this question is because I am about to attend the best seminary in the world. Today I received very wise counsel from some dear friends of ours, and what they said really meant a lot to Marie and I for a couple of reasons. The first one being both have been walking with the Lord longer than I have been alive. It's good to get counsel from people who have known the Lord longer than you. Their desire to seek after and follow the Savior is evidenced in their joy, and how they live their lives. The second would be their motivation was purely out of love for us, and nothing else. It's easy to give advice, and everyone has an opinion, but rarely are the motivations the same as theirs.

Another reason I loved their counsel was because although they never brought up specific verses, their advice was straight from the Bible. in I Corinthians 8:1, Paul made this simple statement: "knowledge puffs up, but love builds up." There are many other verses that talk about this concept, and even Randy Alcorn wrote a book called "The Grace and Truth Paradox" I would recommend, but the idea is simple. All the knowledge I gain from the Master's Seminary may equip me to preach, and give me the tools I need to be an effective church leader, but none of it will make my walk closer with God, or make me anymore holier than I was before I started. That is a work that is left primarily to the Holy Spirit.

The Master's Seminary, or Grace Community Church in particular, is wonderful place for individuals to grow spiritually. Their concern was that I remember to fall in love with God, not just the beauty of His Truth, or to put it another way, That I allow the Truth of God and His Word to saturate my soul, not just give me ammunition I can sling at others some would consider "less enlightened."

It's true, there is a high concentration of Biblical Truth at the Master's Seminary. There is no denying that. (well, I suppose some would) And it's also true, while I love the Lord sincerely, and I want to know Him, there are so many different things I don't know, and so many things I still need to learn. I'm also very inexperienced. I'm a relatively new Christian. I was saved about seven or eight years ago, but it really wasn't until the last 4 or so years I started to see significant growth. I have a natural bent towards pride, self-reliance, arrogance, and can at times be condescending. I fear what my sinful flesh would do with a little truth.

Thankfully, I have the Spirit of God working in me, and by His Grace he will deliver me from that. I have reason to suspect that he already has, and one big reason for that is because He has so very graciously blessed Marie and I with people like Mike and Rebecca Watters who we know will not be shy to tell us if our attitudes are not in line with Scripture. I have such a deep respect for the people God has put in my life, like the Watter's and so many others, and can't tell you how thankful I am to be launched from such a wonderful church as Beacon of Hope in Saint Paul.

This is the passage that comes to mind, and it's something I will carry with me through seminary as a reminder that whatever pinhole of knowledge the Lord allows us to have about Him and His redemptive plan, (it's available to everyone, by the way) I will look at the example of the epitome of Truth Itself, and be diligent to mimic His humility.

Therefore if there is any encouragement in Christ, if there is any consolation of love, if there is any fellowship of the Spirit, if any affection and compassion, make my joy complete by being of the same mind, maintaining the same love, united in spirit, intent on one purpose. Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a slave, and Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.

Jesus Christ, God in the flesh, did not flaunt His deity around, or demand from anyone the glory He deserved, but He emptied Himself, taking the form of a slave. I pray any knowledge and experience I acquire at Masters will drive me to the same place. I want strong convictions, I want to stand for Truth, but only in a way that pleases God and brings Him honor.

Yes!!!

2009-07-25T20:15:00.000-07:00

An answered prayer. Today my parents came over with a 20 foot enclosed trailer, and worked all day hauling out trash and helping clean our garage. I didn't get Greek exam #4 done, but boy was a lot done today. I really love my parents. You have no idea how wonderful they are. They have no idea how wonderful they are. The only sad part is even after all the cleaning, there still isn't any room in our garage. But, as my wife puts it, it's an "organized mess." I always found the concept of those two words being used together humorous, but that's for another blog.

I am exhausted, and hopefully by God's grace I can knock out Greek exam #4 tomorrow morning before church.

In other news, the knock-down paint job on our ceiling was done, so they should be coming in tomorrow to finish sanding, and then we can paint the basement, and work on the trim. It will be nice when that gets cleaned up and finished. My brother in law, Scott, who has also been a tremendous blessing and answer to prayer, has been tirelessly working on finishing a lot of the detail work down there, and so far hasn't asked for any money that we don't have. God has just been delivering things to us on a silver platter (it seems) sometimes. I am so very thankful for how he seems to be making this transition so smooth for us, but at the same time teaching us to trust Him.

Why I Love Perfect Participles...

2009-07-24T12:51:00.000-07:00

ok, ok... I hope you get as excited about this as I am... but the Greek language is a wonderful thing. Now I'm not saying everyone needs to know Greek to understand the Bible, but I sure hope whatever preacher you are listening to is diligent in his study of it, or he may miss things like the perfect participle.

I discussed this at length in my other blog to keep this one more for updates and such, and keep the Bible exposition here to a minimum, but I would encourage you to read that post. God has been good, and I am so thankful for Him. I am finishing up Chapter 30 in Greek, and getting ready to take quiz 7. If things go well, I'll have my 4th Greek exam completed before dinner.

It's all Greek to me...

2009-07-23T15:51:00.000-07:00

So I plan on finishing 4 Greek quizzes and 2 online exams in the next 48 hours to hopefully be caught up in Greek and focus on other important things before the move. Today I have been hunkered down at my kitchen table memorizing vocab and going over paradigms. Thankfully, Bill Mounce does an excellent job explaining things. The good news about cramming for Greek is a lot of the lessons build off of each other like building blocks. The bad news is, well, a lot of the lessons build off of each other. I have been able to cram all the pieces together in my mind, and thankfully I have a method for memorizing vocab words that works very well for me. The only scary thing is at some point, all of this information I've stored in my brain without proper time to saturate will fizzle away, unless the Lord Himself helps me, and He has... in miraculous ways (it's a good story, ask me some time)

So that's where I'm at so far, bulldozing through a few chapters of Greek as quickly as possible to get things wrapped up. As one person put it, it's time to eat this elephant one bite at a time.

packy packy

2009-07-21T18:11:00.000-07:00

I have 22 days before I drive across the country to begin a journey I've only dreamed about for the past several years, and even as I write this my wife asks me, "is this really the best thing you could be doing with your time?"

As much as she is no stranger to seeing me waste time in the midst of a seemingly insurmountable amount of tasks, I am no stranger to being overwhelmed with various duties that seem impossible to achieve in the time allotted. I can only say this: God is good. He is faithful. Sometimes I have to chuckle when I see the looks on the faces of the people who critique my time/projects ratio. Yes, I need to still work, finish up distance ed courses, pack my entire house, finish my basement, find a suitable renter, rent a place in CA, process out of the Active Duty, get finances in order, complete yard work, fix my house up for renters, and other odds and ends that seem to add up so much... (I spent the entire day yesterday installing a new toilet in my upstairs bathroom... long story)

I can say this with full assurance. I'm not worried. I'm not overwhelmed. A lot needs to be done, but God has done much more with much less (like create a universe from nothing.) As soon as I saw that the Master's Seminary Orientation began August 17th, I turned and said to my wife, "It's going to take a miracle to make that happen." Believe me when I tell you that miracle is taking place before our eyes, and it's nothing short of what God did with Gideon. I am enjoying being a part of it, and am anxiously looking forward to the coming weeks, months, and years.